It's strange how me and my wife went from being lovers who couldn't stop obsessing over each other, to a married couple who fought over trivial things. On top of everything, what annoys me the most is how my wife has started parenting me over EVERYTHING. Every day, I hear remarks like 'You should stop drinking; it will affect your health', 'Why were you out with your friends for so long?', 'You should plan your day in advance'. I can bet any man will get frustrated with the nature of their wife where they out of nowhere assume the role of a parent. I tried to tell her politely how her diktats were affecting me and our relationship, but she just wouldn't understand.
I felt caged in my relationship and eventually stopped feeling sexually attracted to my wife. Even when we would make love, she would make faces if things got messy a little. I mean who does that? I think what a lot of people don't realise is that they don't suddenly acquire this right after marriage where they feel they can change a person or expect them to change. Loving someone is all about embracing one as they are. Besides, two people can never think alike or behave in the same manner. Differences in terms of personalities are bound to be there.
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What's worse is when spouses start to act like parents and throw diktats at you in a condescending way every now and then. I had reached a point in my relationship where I could just not take it anymore. I told my wife categorically that I would be sleeping in a different room for some time as I had a lot of pending official work. I was expecting her to say no to the idea, but it came as a surprise to me when she happily agreed. It was then the realisation dawned on me that our relationship didn't really have anything left in it. We were just together with each other for our kid perhaps. No date nights, no sex, no emotional intimacy and no subjects to talk about – our relationship got ruined because of my wife's endeavour to parent me.
I desperately seeked emotional intimacy and physical intimacy. I craved for it like anything. It almost seemed to me that my body had stopped producing oxytocin – the feel good hormone. I decided to sign up on an app in hopes of finding someone who could fill that void. And well, this time the universe didn't disappoint me. I came across a lovely woman who was professionally doing very well for herself. She was smart, intelligent and mature. After speaking to her I realised, I felt a deep sense of connection with her and at the same time I felt I could be myself. I didn’t feel caged at all. I didn't feel that someone was trying to change me or parent me. It was refreshing to be with her.
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She told me how she had never met a man who could be okay with her success and cheered her on. On the other hand, I told her I was feeling exhausted with my wife lecturing me all the time on how I could do better in life. We understood each other and gave each other the desired space. What goes without saying is that she is good in bed. She is the one who calls the shots in bed and I love that about her.
My friends who know that I am sleeping with another woman sometimes ask me if I feel guilty for cheating on my wife, and I simply tell them she doesn't need a husband, but rather a child who obeys her all the time. She is more interested in parenting me and improving my ways. The idea of what a relationship truly means is lost on her. So, no, I don't feel guilty for being with a woman outside my marriage.