When you work in corporations for a long time, you develop a thick skin and become immune to workplace toxicity. We’re living in a day and age when most of us have normalised many toxic workplace practices. I too used to consider myself as someone who had developed immunity to tolerate censure, affront and many other toxic workplace practices over the years. I used to think nothing worse could happen that would push me against the wall and make me feel helpless. However, I was mistaken, and how!
My boss never liked me and would always find reasons to make me feel bad about my competence level and calibre. Job market had been bad for a long while and this is why I had no other option except to put up with everyday toxicity. However, one day my boss’ downright obnoxious behaviour reduced me to tears in view of everyone else. I was mortified to the core. My face had turned red and I literally shivered.
I work in a media house and meeting deadlines is key. On that fateful day, I was particularly unwell and was not able to work at an optimum level. Hence, I got late in breaking the news. When my boss found out about it, she stormed out of her office and walked up to my seat to shout at me at a really high decibel. Her words 'HOW DARE YOU? WHY DID THE STORY GET DELAYED?' continue to ring in my ears till today.
I was so shocked and humiliated that I was just this close to peeing in my pants. I started crying. Not profusely, but yes I was reduced to tears. As much as I wanted to hold back my tears from trickling down my cheeks, the embarrassment that I felt was so poignant that tears couldn't stop rolling by.
I couldn't shout back or give a retort to my boss. However, the only thing that I did was pack up my stuff and leave the office. I never went back. I mailed my resignation on reaching home. I didn't know where the next paycheck would come from, but I was clear that I wouldn’t work under a boss who was so callous and inhuman. Some colleagues did check up on me and from what I heard from them, my boss had no remorse for behaving in the way she did.
After that incident, my self esteem issues have quadrupled. I am constantly second guessing myself and feeling too diffident in my skin. I learnt one of the life's important lessons a very hard way and that is to never let anyone trample your confidence and pride.