New Delhi [India] September 18: Marital betrayal, being unfaithful to their romantic or married partner, is called Infidelity, which is an intolerable agony that puts apart the couple's physical, mental, and emotional well-being in various modes. Multiple factors pave the way for infidelity, which creates turmoil among the couple and their family in the long run. In this article, Dr Nisha Khanna, a renowned psychologist with over two decades of experience, shares her insights into the complexities of infidelity and offers a detailed examination of their causes, consequences and effective counselling strategies.
Causes of Infidelity
The reasons behind infidelity are many and vary widely from one person to another.
Low Emotional Intelligence (EI): The primary factor that stems from Infidelity is an inability to manage emotions and their expression. A person with low EI loses control over the self-management of their feelings and emotions, which leads them to move on with infidelity due to a lack of insight into the stress they will undergo in the future date.
Lack of Physical Intimacy: Couples working at different times and locations spend less time with family and lack physical intimacy with their spouse; moving away from the routine’s primary needs triggers them to seek intimacy with different people to satisfy their physical needs. Research on Infidelity states that romantic Love is separate from the physical need, so couples with a lack of physical intimacy (hugging, cuddling, holding hands, kissing, sitting next, caressing) develop infidelity.
Incompatibility: Personality incompatibility or mismatch in relationships manifests disappointment in couples, as it’s challenging to understand and accept people with different perceptions. In particular, conflict resolution becomes demanding when dealing with incompatible partners, as the couple varies in resolving conflicts. People can fall in Love even from diverse cultures, as Love and compatibility differ. Addressing incompatibilities between couples on time can help maintain a happy marriage.
Emotional Disconnect: Couples’ love languages are dissimilar; sharing a love language that does not match their needs creates an emotional disconnect. For instance, emotional disconnect can increase if a spouse does not know a partner’s primary love language. If a spouse regularly criticises when their primary love language is words of affirmation, it develops a gap between them.
Unmet Needs: Both spouses have contrasting aspirations in their personal and professional lives. For example, they may pursue higher education, raise children and parenting approaches, have financial needs, value family and friendships, explore new places, Etc. Lack of such unmet needs can lead to Infidelity.
Unresolved Past Trauma: Lack of healing from childhood trauma like the Loss of a Loved one in the Family, any form of Abuse in the Past, Loneliness, Anxiety, or Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) can reflect after marriage. Loss of parents may lead to insecure feelings and expression of fear or anxiety with their spouse and children. Unresolved personal issues also lead to poor communication between married partners. It is important to note that unspoken emotions become a dense load and create distance.
Reconnecting with Old Mates via Social Media: Recent trends indicate that reconnecting with former school and college friends on social media can also ignite Infidelity. Here, the partners involved in Infidelity develop strange behaviour like late-night chats or calls, maintaining privacy with mobile and other gadget passwords, being more conscious of their dressing style and attire, excess expenditures, and a lack of interest in taking family responsibilities than earlier.
Cultural and Social Issues: Conflicts of cultural and social norms may emerge when couples possess differing cultural backgrounds, value systems, beliefs, and customs, resulting in misunderstandings and disputes. Celebrations and get-togethers with family and extended family become challenging for partners, which creates an emptiness in the marital relationship.
Spice in Life: Some People get bored with their daily routine. They seek excitement and novelty to break the monotony of relationships and get into infidelity to rejuvenate emotional or physical experiences.
Consequences of Infidelity
A few noticeable Consequences of Infidelity are that both a betrayed and an unfaithful couple in identity undergo a crisis in Infidelity.
Breakdown of Trust: Trust is the principal constituent of a relationship, and betrayal in marriage breaks down the trust built for years. Rebuilding trust is challenging but essential to maintaining harmony within a couple.
Rejection: The pain of an extramarital affair badly affects a person’s emotional well-being. It’s completely understandable to feel rejected and have low self-esteem when a partner is involved in Infidelity.
Mental Health Issues: Intense emotional pain, anger, grief, lowered self-esteem and self-worth, anxiety, depression, or PTSD, and, at times, psycho-somatic disorders can arise with a betrayed partner in Infidelity. Fear of losing the primary family members, guilt, shame, self-loathing and loss of respect from children and other family are common issues faced by unfaithful partners.
Physical Health Issues: A study reveals extended mental health issues like stress, anxiety, trauma and depression in Infidelity lead to physical health issues, especially non-communicable diseases like Diabetes, increase or decrease in blood pressure or thyroid level.
Social and Legal Impact: Use of marital funds, especially large-scale fund access for the innocent or betrayed spouse, divorce, and child custody are common legal impacts in Infidelity followed by divorce.
Sexually Transmitted Infections (STI): With no surprise, Infidelity becomes an entry for sexually transmitted diseases like HIV. Most people enjoy engaging in consensual and unprotected physical relationships.
Substance abuse or Addiction: Managing emotions becomes tough with specific individuals, and they get into substance abuse or alcohol addiction.
Emotional Turmoil: Multiple sequences arise as the infidelity story is revealed in the family, causing a state of confusion and uncertainty among individuals and their families.
Counselling Strategies in Retraining Harmony from Infidelity
Though a person cannot change and forget the past, a person can create a better future with healing support and psychological therapies for couples involved in Infidelity and their children to move on and rebuild their primary family bond in the long term. Also, individuals who opt for divorce with Infidelity need to look for psychological support to heal and progress with their lives.
Individual Therapy: Individual Therapy helps the betrayed person who has been affected by Infidelity to practice and focus on letting go, forgiveness, and moving on from the past. Individual Therapy allows them to process and manage their emotions, understand their roles, and work on personal growth.
Couple Therapy: Couples seek counselling to decide whether to stay in or end their relationship, called Discernment Counselling. Couple therapy encompasses concerns such as empty nest syndrome, old age support, and family dynamics related to infidelity disclosure. Couple therapy addresses underlying relationship issues, facilitates open discussion, rebuilds trust, and provides ways to bridge the gaps between the couple when they decide to reunite.
Standard Therapeutic Approaches: Standard Counselling techniques for rebuilding trust in the couple from infidelity issues include The Systems Theory, The Structural Approach and Emotional-Focused Therapy (EFT).
Learn to Set Boundaries: Counselling facilitates couples’ setting boundaries, an assertive way of developing good interpersonal skills in relationships. Taking for granted disappoints the other spouse and often leads to distress.
Coping Strategies: Psychoeducation on coping skills to manage negative thoughts and emotions, regularise sleep patterns, appetite, loneliness, and relaxation techniques provides to clients in need.
Infidelity is a nexus that can be devastating to relationships, with proper support from experts individually or as a couple. Marriage Counsellors navigate couples to better paths and emerge with solid decisions for their betterment. Although the healing process takes time, patience and commitment can help partners heal and progress.
Case Study
Rahul, Anjali and Tina: A case handled by Dr Khanna involved Rahul, Anjali and Tina navigating the aftermath of Rahul's extramarital affair with Anjali. Despite initial turmoil and difficult decisions, counselling sessions facilitated healing and clarity. "Through structured counselling, Rahul and Tina were able to rebuild their relationship, reaffirming their commitment to each other and their family," says Dr Khanna.
About the Author
Dr Nisha Khanna is a distinguished psychologist and marriage counsellor based in Delhi-NCR with over 22+ years of experience. A three-time TEDx speaker, she offers comprehensive counselling services online, telephonically, and face-to-face, specialising in relationship dynamics and conflict resolution.
Contact Dr Nisha Khanna for counselling services and more information, visit her website at https://www.drnishakhanna.com or contact her clinic at 011-46011474 and WhatsApp at +91-9818211474.
Disclamier – Brand Impact